Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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