clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
