i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize