He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
