My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
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I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
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I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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