I'm gonna have a badass scar
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
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All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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