she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD