hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks