cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.