in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.