im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.