I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
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I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE