3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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