Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
