I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...