i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog