I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Swine flu. Run for my life!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.