just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.