I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
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The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂