I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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