you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.