Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
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Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
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I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?