Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?