Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister