Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples