Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
