I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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