If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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