Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
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THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
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I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?