found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
