the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am