When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
