I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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