Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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