There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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