mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I currently don't understand fingers.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
