There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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