if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my vag is so smooth its legendary
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
that is very illegal...i love you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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