I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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