you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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