its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
lol hangovers are for mortals.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
