Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
