I'm jealous of your bromance
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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