woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sorry about my life...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.