Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.