we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
