So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
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Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
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I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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