Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
whose parrot is this?
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you