im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...