pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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