I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
