at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
