i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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