so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just blew my weed a kiss
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We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I am naked and annoyed.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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