My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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