I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
