This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
