i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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