wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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