All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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