His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
