i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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