did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
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Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
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You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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