She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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