how can u be prego again
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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