last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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