id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
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Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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